I have a few issues lately. For starters my best friend has for some reason turned around and called me a bitch and accused me of slagging her off behind her back to “her best friend” (who happens to also be one of my best friends). I find this interesting because this is the friend of mine who i know for a fact has frequently said hurtful things about her best friend to me, and vice versa, and now has issue with me telling her “best friend” that i dislike some of the things she does to me, like get angry with no reason and turn round and kick me so hard on the shin that it leaves a purple welt for more than three weeks. that in my honest and humble opinion is not bitching or slagging her off, that is talking to a trusted friend who shares a close friendship with the same person about a problem and asking her for advice. She has decided that im not trustworthy and hasnt spoken to me for almost three weeks, but i have mourned the loss of one of my greatest and most trusted friends and moved on to worrying about more pressing issues, like my A levels. im close to failing three out of four of them so i spent the past fortnight doing the work.

and i mean that. I have done a little bit of work for 80% of the holiday. im proud of myself because usually i dont do any til the very last minute and ive done almost all my homework and a good chunk of revision to boot. anyway, im also worried about my body and my self image yadda yadda yadda as per usual.

im cheerful though because i have seen a little glimmer of hope in my otherwise depressing life because having spoken to family (cousin, nana, aunt etc.) im more optimistic about myself because i feel less insignificant reading magazines full of airbrushed beautiful flawless people, due to a conversation about how no one is like that in real life.

im a little worried about not having any shifts at work too, but im going to ring them tomorrow and ask about any availabilities tomorrow because i need the hours for my fundraising and also because i have decided to save a little so that i can get myself a few more clothes so i can do a bit of layering and feel pretty. and i admit im going to treat myself to some pretty underwear because pretty underwear gives me an invisible confidence boost. although i dont know why. its funny.

for now though thanks to the undying friendship of Kate and Vix I feel like a whole new me!

im better than before, a little more confident and i am going to get myself a good man before the end of the year! my mantra for now:

I am worth it

i AM worth it

i am WORTH it

i am worth IT

.~:~.x.~:*:~.x.~:~.